from North Carolina writes:
name is Jimmy, I live in North Carolina and I like ALF. Maybe
you can answer a question that has haunted me for years. Is
ALF Jewish? There are many similarities: large nose, clever
quick wit, neurotic sense that everyone is out to get him and
most importantly, ALF has a job in television. I was hoping
that maybe you could talk to him for me (if he is Jewish, maybe
you two met at a Jewish function) or at least you could be my
friend and talk to me about ALF. He is a lovely little guy.
I hope that some day his fame will return and that alien life
form will once again bring joy to the hearts of all the children
regardless of religious creed. I look forard to your reply,
for this ALF matter has hanged heavy upon my head since the
Jimmy, I have heard that Jews who live in the South are often
regarded as "Alien Life Forms" by their non-Semitic
neighbors. However, I would like to clarify: we Jews are the
children of Lucifer, not of aliens. Although ALF may exhibit
some mythical Jewish traits, he does not sport the telltale
cloven hooves and horns that mark our people.
I have not mingled with ALF at Jewish functions. However, I
heard rumors back in the '80s (after his career "nose"-dived),
that ALF was forcibly removed from a Hebrew School model Seder
in Little Rock for offering to "show off his shank bone."
He's since attempted to mingle in Jewish circles, taking odd
jobs assisting a Bar Mitzvah photographer and a synagogue caterer.
Last January, authorities spotted ALF whining outside of a Los
Angeles Kaballah Center. He was recently indicted as "The
Unicorn Killer," and was charged with sending threatening
e-mail to X-Files star David Duchovny, claiming "that
schmuck ruined my career."
correspondence to: Inmate 5759, Spring Valley Correctional Center,
Hollywood, CA. Or catch his upcoming biography this fall on
VH1's "Behind the Music."
a question? Ask the Jewess!